Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
