I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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