so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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