Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
foreskin is a definite game changer
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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