watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
