he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you didnt know i had herpes?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
