My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
