Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
