You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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