That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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