i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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