Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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