How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
