can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
