I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
