I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
