Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Please don't give away my fajitas
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
