he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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