Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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