Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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