Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
