Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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