Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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