I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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