What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
