defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
