Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
