so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There's always time for handjobs
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
