So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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