Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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