i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
babies were throwing up all over the place
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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