and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
