Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
