I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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