hotel room ftw
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
