Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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