I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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