I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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