does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
