That's intense
it's like iHOP with fire
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize