i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
