I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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