does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
