Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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