I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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