nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
