Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
