The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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