Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
