i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
