So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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