Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize