I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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