i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
