Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
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