this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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