i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just blew my weed a kiss
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
