I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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