My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
