My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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