For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
