When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize