can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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