Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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