Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
