You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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