I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
40s are totally the cure
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
