jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
