Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
