also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
