we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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