Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I have already put on my inside pants.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
